Rough Day

Today has been a rough day. The past three weeks have been bittersweet. My parents, my younger sister and her boyfriend came over from England to visit us for the first time. I’ve been living in America for almost six years and during that time I’ve seen my family for several weeks a few years ago when we visited England and Calvin was only four months old. It’s hard to travel back and forth, it’s expensive and with children, made even harder.

It’s been a blessing and an absolute joy to have them here, especially when my dad said he’d never travel again with his health issues and age. Just writing this post is difficult, because I choke up thinking about them and how quickly these past few weeks went by.

They left this morning at 4am for the long drive to LAX and the first leg of their flights back home. Mia was awake, but of course won’t remember them leaving, but Calvin was asleep until 6:30 and when he woke up… Well my heart broke watching him go from room to room searching for them, and when returning from the park this morning, asking when they’d all be home with us.

On the lighter side of today, I’ve been able to sit and look through all of the photos taken whilst they were here. Photos of us at the beach, in the Bay, visiting Yosemite and even the ones of us just doing mundane things like shopping and having coffee… All precious memories.

They are in the air right now and won’t get home for quite some time. Meanwhile I’m trying to carry on as normal, but I have cried making tea, loading laundry and even just snuggling the kids today and smelling my moms perfume on their skin.

My dad says that it took ten years for him to not feel so homesick and miss everyone as much when he moved from Canada to England. I’m sure it will be less painful over time, but I don’t think it will ever be easy. Right now I’m thankful that they made it here, I’m thankful for a husband who loves me and my family, and I’m thankful for technology, so that I can Skype with them.



Religious Minded Vs. Science Minded

I didn’t grow up in the church, my family are not religious in the slightest. I’m sure that in desperate situations they have probably called out to someone to help them, but they don’t pray, they don’t attend church and they don’t identify as any fixed religion. I went to a Catholic high school, not for the religious aspects, but for the academic performance I could achieve under the tuition there. I excelled in all of my subjects, but at GCSE level, the only class I received an A* in was Religious Education.

I’ve never identified as part of any religious group, but when asked I identify with both Christian and Buddhist teachings. I’m sure it would be frowned upon to pick and choose teachings, but I pray to God and I read the words of the Dalai Lama.

Lately however, I find myself leaning more towards the scientific understandings of the world. I believe that there is place in this world for both a spiritual and a scientific understanding of many aspects of modern life. For one thing, with the recent outbreak of measles, I cringe when I read comments from anti-vaxxers that flat out ignore scientific research and spout made up ideologies, or worse still use religion as a reason to deny their child protection and put others at risk.

I’m not going to go off on a tangent about that though, I have far too much to say about it for one blog post and on a subject that makes the passionate side of my personality ignite.

My point is, I’m having a conflict of spirituality. I do thank God for all of the blessings in my life, but I am also finding it hard to find my place in the vast ocean of ideologies and perspectives that religion can give.