The Familiar Tug

Sometimes I wonder why I torture myself thinking about roller derby, and I’m pretty sure others have wondered the same thing when I talk about it.

I do long for my skates and to feel the wind against my face as I whip around the track… But I don’t miss the people (who I’ve mentioned before) who turned their backs on me. One of whom I recently contacted to see how they were doing, only for my message to be read and ignored. There is a sting that goes along with the desire to skate again. 

I could look for another team… I could go freelance (so to speak), but this is a big city with a small town feel and I’ll always run into the same people regardless. And I shouldn’t be deterred by those people, I should push forward and do something that makes me happy. But if you’ve followed me this far, as you can see, I talk myself through all the reasons I can’t or I won’t go back to it.

There’s the obvious reasons. That I have children to take care of, a husband with an ever changing schedule and no time to spread myself so thin by committing to team life again, practices, games, meetings and social events. 

But even though I talk myself away from it, I think I will always feel the pull. 

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2 thoughts on “The Familiar Tug

  1. Maybe finding another outlet that you enjoy that has you feeling the same joy you did during derby? Soon you’ll be able to roller skate with Calvin in your neighborhood but until then focus on finding something that will make you equally as happy.

    • I’ve been trying to find something, but I guess I just want to be active. Going to the gym doesn’t really give me the same satisfaction, but I’ve been using it as my go between as at least that way I have childcare.

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