Sometimes I wonder why I torture myself thinking about roller derby, and I’m pretty sure others have wondered the same thing when I talk about it.
I do long for my skates and to feel the wind against my face as I whip around the track… But I don’t miss the people (who I’ve mentioned before) who turned their backs on me. One of whom I recently contacted to see how they were doing, only for my message to be read and ignored. There is a sting that goes along with the desire to skate again.
I could look for another team… I could go freelance (so to speak), but this is a big city with a small town feel and I’ll always run into the same people regardless. And I shouldn’t be deterred by those people, I should push forward and do something that makes me happy. But if you’ve followed me this far, as you can see, I talk myself through all the reasons I can’t or I won’t go back to it.
There’s the obvious reasons. That I have children to take care of, a husband with an ever changing schedule and no time to spread myself so thin by committing to team life again, practices, games, meetings and social events.
But even though I talk myself away from it, I think I will always feel the pull.