Head In The Clouds

I’m the kind of person that some people would say, has her head in the clouds. I often think of projects and plans I want to persue and make lists and charts that stabilize those ideas. But, they are usually the kind of ideas that require time and money, two things I don’t have a lot of, right now.

One of those ideas is that I would love to run a food truck, recently refuelling the desire by watching The Great Food Truck Race. I even looked into applying for the show, but they’ve changed entry to you needing to have an established food truck business to take part. Whomp whomp!

I better start playing the lottery!

  

Weaning

When I started breastfeeding Calvin, I had some struggles with it, but after consulting with experienced friends and family, he and I, got the hang of it. He breastfed until 15 months and I would have let him go longer, had him nursing not made me feel like I wanted to vomit (I was pregnant). 

Mia took to breastfeeding like a duck to water, and is approaching her first birthday. I’m struggling lately with the desire to wean her, in hopes that it helps her sleep better at night (no more comfort feeding) or letting her go as long as she wants and self weans.

I’m blessed to have been able to breastfeed them at all, for some women it’s just not possible. And for others, formula was always the plan, and either way, I don’t judge anyone on that choice. Just feed all the babies!

So the desire to wean her is somewhat selfish. She still wakes 2-3 times a night and the only thing that gets her back to sleep, is nursing her. And I am exhausted. Ive racked up 26 months of breastfeeding at this point, and only a few months after I stopped nursing Calvin, I had a newborn. You can do the math on how many months of uninterrupted sleep I’ve had in the last three years (hint: not many!).

It’s also a selfish desire, as I want to lose weight and whilst I’m breastfeeding, attempts at dieting have left me with decreased milk supply and the weight isn’t budging! I’ll get there, but I think the ideal time will be when my bodies nutrients aren’t being literally sucked out of me!

Here I stand on the precipice of ending nursing with my last child, and I’m torn. 

More Than A Mom

It’s hard to remember or rather, remind myself sometimes, that I’m more than just a mom. I’m a wife, sister and an aunt, but I’m also a person with interests, ideas and hobbies (at least before kids) outside of those parameters.

Before having Calvin I played Roller Derby, I played video games, painted, wrote poetry and enjoyed baking, traveling and being outdoors. Since having kids, I stopped playing Roller Derby, stopped playing video games and I can’t remember the last time I picked up a paintbrush or pen that didn’t involve washable finger paints, craft paper and smocks.

It’s not that I’ve lost these desires, or these interests, but rather that my priorities have shifted. If I make it through the day having gotten the kids out of the house, played with them and read to them, I call it good. Recently I started baking again and that has been a lot of fun, and I’ve started back at the gym, which is kind of a result of the baking!

I wouldn’t call baking or the gym “me time”, but they are activities that are reminding me that I’m more than just a mom. I’m more than just a mom on another level as well, I’m a teacher to my children and I’m relearning a lot through teaching them, even if it’s just a refresher course about the solar system.

Having friends who are both working moms and stay at home moms, I’ve been able to see this from a lot of angles, not that I have any better understanding of this feeling, than of my own experience. But it seems that it’s easier to keep your “other” identity when you have a tether to the adult world, aka work. As a stay at home mom, your world becomes your kids and about enriching their days. Neither is right or wrong, they are just different.

I’m not resentful, I’m not negative about my change of pace. But I do know that to be healthy both physically and mentally, I have to find time to do something I enjoy. I’ll be able to do more when the kids are in school, but for now I’ll soak up my time with them and lose myself in the music during Zumba!

We have a 3 year old… Oh crap! We have a 3 year old!

This past week has been nuts! Somewhere between gathering food, drinks, decorations and favors, the regular busyness of a toddler and infant… A birthday happened and a party was pulled out of his imagination. 

Our not so little, man, turned 3 this past Wednesday and I regaled him with the story about the day he was born… To his complete and utter disinterest. We ate donuts for breakfast, opened presents, sang happy birthday (which he hates) and played the day away. Sunday came around quickly and we had a low key Octonauts party with family and friends at a local park, two hours of hard, mud covered (leaky ice bucket in 95F weather and the California drought) morning, followed by a hard nap for both kids. The day went off without a hitch, much like the Sunday he was born.

 

This really does sum him up, curious, humorous, explorer!

 
Let me stop here to say, wtf!? To this fall weather. I’m done with the heat, bring on the cooler rainy days!

And so it goes, I look back and wonder where the time went, then I look to my side and see a baby… That turns 1 next month. Shit. This parenting thing is like being on a merry go round that doesn’t stop. It’s a never ending cycle of ups and downs, with a theme tune of kids shows and a roller coaster of emotions on loop in the background.

 

The soon to be, birthday girl!

 
I’m not looking to get off the ride, but if it could just slow down from time to time, so that I could really, truly, savor the surroundings, that would be great!