Friendship

I’m a pretty friendly person, and despite my natural instinct to be an introvert, I make friends easily. This has been a good thing for the most part, it has given me friendships that have spanned many years, through high school, university and into adulthood. It has also brought me some “friends” who turned out to be less than great people in my life, and have in time, fallen by the wayside. But there is one thing I have come to realize recently, I don’t have to befriend everyone. I will be friendly to everyone, unless they give me good reason not to be, but that doesn’t mean that I have to count them amongst my friends.

To me, friends have some shared interests, they have some shared ideals. They don’t have to share every view I have, or every interest, but having some similarities is a great thing, it’s solid ground in which to stand on. Where I have recently learned to define a friendship however, is in how my interactions with these people, leave my heart feeling. If I come away feeling hurt by their views, or hurt by their words, but otherwise they are good people, perhaps that isn’t enough in this stage of life to maintain a meaningful friendship.

I don’t want to question my interactions with them, and I don’t want to butt heads and fight. I want a drama free life for he most part! And why should either side of a friendship feel that they need to hold back from saying something that they believe in in order to not upset the other? Yet, here I am, looking at a few friendships and wondering whether it’s best to just walk away.

I’m old enough and ugly enough to know that I don’t have to be friends with everyone.

Looking Up

My posts have been somewhat negative and dark since the death of my father and I’ve been wanting to write something lighter and brighter.

Today a friend, Sara, posted the viral video of the baby being pulled from the rubble days after the earthquake in Nepal. I commented that recently I had been in conflict with God, but after seeing this video I had truly witnessed a miracle with the rest of the world. It was her reply to this that shifted my emotional stance as well as my thoughts on my current position with God.

“Jodie you have had so much going on lately.  God is ok with you being angry and struggling in your relationship with Him.  Your anger is proof of your faith because how could you be mad at someone you don’t believe exists.”

And now here I am, seeing things more clearly for the first time in weeks. Perhaps this clarity will allow me to focus more on the substantial joy I do have in my life. 

Drifting Apart

I think I have touched on this before in a previous post, but I was thinking about it more recently and thought I’d share.

I’m pretty sure we all experience this at various times in our lives. The feeling that you are drifting apart from people who you once considered to be close friends.

What sparked this rehash of thoughts or perhaps introspection on the subject, was a thread on an expat forum discussing this topic. One post especially. This poster noted that it seemed a lot of times people feel that they are drifting apart from people is because they are no longer at similar points/places in their lives.

I can absolutely see this.

I don’t want to sound like I’m whining or upset anyone in the process of writing and sharing this, but this is pretty accurate to how I feel when I take derby into mind.

When I started with the team almost three years ago, I didn’t know anyone, on the team or otherwise considering I had just moved to this country. I immediately felt very comfortable with everyone. Friendships were formed and since some of those people have moved on from derby, and in doing so, although social media like Facebook keep us connected, that bond has gone, that common ground has evaporated.

I feel that now from the other side. I’m embarking on a new chapter in my life and right now derby doesn’t fit in. I know there have been ways for me to stay connected, but without being at practices, meetings etc everything feels like second hand and often unreliable information. I didn’t and still don’t want to be a link on the Chinese whisper chain.

This has pulled me apart from many people I’d have considered to be close friends. Not to say that efforts to maintain contact have not happened on behalf of both sides, but every connection has been team based and less often on a personal one to one level. The bonding glue of derby has failed.

I still consider these people friends and team mates, but perhaps the title of close friends will be renewed when I return to skating, it just seems like such a shame that we need that common ground to reach that place.

Well that’s the mass of my thoughts on that. Different times in our lives, different journeys, different outlooks.

Nothing gold can stay.