It’s been a while…

I’ve not been in the right frame of mind lately to write much and things have been pretty hectic with moving house and working out a new routine with being further away from our usual amenities.

Holidays as well are always hard for me, which I have mentioned before. I am struggling with some depression, and haven’t been back to see my psychiatrist since the initial visit. Again, things have just been crazy around here!

We are finally moved into our new house though, everything is coming together slowly, but boxes are being emptied and a few days out of the many that have passed since we moved, my laundry pile has only been a small mound rather than its usual colossal mountain. Jinsey is acting his normal self now, he’s eating more, socializing and is completely off of all of his medication, including the anxiety meds which were making him act rather strangely. He will be on a prescription diet for the rest of his life, but it’s a small price to pay for his health and to have a happy cat snuggling up on the bed at night.

Christmas is literally a week away and I feel mostly prepared for it. I don’t cook Christmas dinner so I don’t have that worry on my plate, but I did host dinner for the family this past week. I’ve bought the kids presents apart from a few pairs of pajamas each and I already sent a small box of goodies to England for my mom, last month. Curtis and I don’t buy each other gifts, but he did get me a new jogging stroller so I can start running with Mia more often. I have taken it out for a spin a few times and now I just need to be consistent in my exercising to get the most use out of it!

Really life if just kind of a blur right now, the days are kind of melting into one another and I am hoping that the new year brings with it more clarity, more peace of mind and less anxiety.

However you celebrate this holiday season, I hope that you are not alone. I hope that whatever you do, you have a smile on your face and love in your heart.

Merry Christmas x

The November

The start of this November has been a series of hills and valleys already. On the upside, we have the keys to our new home and can start moving our things in. On the down side, Mia has her first trip to the E.R after enthusiastically dancing her way into our television stand, and Jinsey our Siamese cat has been at the vets after an emergency operation for 4 days now.



I’m hoping that the rest of the month will continue on the upswing. Mia has her second birthday on the 23rd and we may even be able to celebrate thanksgiving in our new home!

I hope the start of this month has been good to you. And I hope as we enter the holiday season, you are surrounded by love! 

Awkward…

So how awkward was the video in my last blog post? I can’t even bare to watch it again, it’s so very cringeworthy! I don’t think I will be doing another of those any time soon.

I need to get back to blogging regularly. Everything has been kind of up in the air lately schedule wise, but we are finally settling into a new routine with Calvin starting preschool and an upcoming work schedule change for Curtis. I’m still really lost as to what to do with Mia on the mornings that Calvin is at school, but we are navigating through it together with lots of park time, running errands and snuggles!

I recently bought myself a book of 300 writing prompts, which I almost immediately regretted for the simple fact that by the end of day one, I had removed several pages due to the fact that I hate my hand writing. I cannot look at a page of my own handwriting for long before feeling the need to tear out the page, ball it up and throw it away. Is anyone else like that?

I’m not sure how other bloggers go about planning out their blogs ahead of time, it seems really difficult to me. I have more of a tendency to write from the top of my head whenever I fancy it, otherwise I feel like whatever I write is fake, or forced. I have far too much junk rolling around in my head lately, things that are too dark, too strange to share here. I’m not sure why I am in this particular predicament right now, but I’m hoping it’s just one of those stages in my life that will pass with time and effort to put forward a sunny disposition, or perhaps that in itself is faking it…

Anyway, I will be writing more often, and hopefully words of a positive nature. Now, go forth and be bold, be brave, be beautiful!

Summer Fun

Oh my goodness, it’s bloody hot! Summer is in full swing in Fresno and the 100+ heat is killing me, Im not sure I will ever really get used to it! I’m in the air conditioning right now though, freezing my butt off with my back against the window and the evil flaming ball in the sky behind me, and finally, with the laptop at my finger tips to write this post.

My mom is currently visiting for her second time, her first time since my dad died, and her first time experiencing our intense summer weather. She is loving it! I don’t know how she does it. She is enjoying walking around town regardless of the fact that we feel like we are literally melting with every step. I think her desire to tan is outweighing her desire for air conditioning.

We’ve been staying close to home so far, really just doing day to day things with the kids and checking out some of the local attractions. These coming (and last) two weeks of her holiday however, we are attempting to cram in as much fun as possible! Shaver lake tomorrow for a paddle with the kids, Old Town Sacramento on Friday, Yosemite next week and we will be taking a trip to Avila, just my mother and I, before she heads home. That last trip is significant, because we will be taking some of my dads ashes with us.

We’ve also been checking out the building progress of our new home! In March they had barely marked out where the foundations would be, and today when I went for a walk through, they have the frame work done, the wiring, the roofing tiles and all of the windows in place. I was pretty impressed and I am very excited!

So here is my little update for now. I have a lot of blogs I want to catch up and read in my feed and I will post some photos from our trips as they happen. For now, I hope that wherever you are, you are safe and happy!

Finding Myself

Do you ever feel like you are adrift?

I’ve been feeling this often lately and I think I have touched on this feeling in past posts. I am Jodie, I am wife, and I am mother. But what else am I? I am incapable of placing my finger on the map of my life and really finding direction. This is a hard thing to come to realize when you are a planner.

I love spontaneity, but at the same time, I like organization, I like the details planned out so that I feel secure in the decisions being made. I learned to let go of those expectations a little when I became a parent. After all, how can you really plan ahead when you have two tiny humans who are chaos incarnate?

Our days are about to be shook up. Calvin will be starting preschool three days a week in August and Curtis is about to begin a new schedule, at a new station. And then there will be Mia and I, and I feel the need to fill those mornings when Calvin is in school, with activities for her and I. But with what? That direction thing again…

If life came with a compass, it would have no needle.

Social Media

I’m on social media for numerous reasons. Primarily, to keep in touch with my family and friends. It’s not as easy as popping around to my moms for a quick visit with us living in California, and she living in England. I share photos, status updates and keep up with what’s happening in my friends and family members lives mainly through platforms like Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. We utilize Skype when we want to have some face time and that as I have mentioned before, is one of my favorite things about the technology and software available to the average person.

Lately however, I’ve found myself recoiling away from social media, particularly the comment sections of articles that often pop up in my newsfeed. I find some of the discussions between (presumably) grown adults, gut wrenching. I didn’t quite realize how some people choose to use social media. There’s a perverse anonymity that comes from the keyboard warriors who take it upon themselves to cast digital stones, to use words that are venomous and cruel whilst hiding themselves behind privacy settings. 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m no stranger to this. I was shown this side of the Internet at a pretty young age whilst playing online video games. I have been the target of venomous and abusive language. But I’m surprised by how much of this grown up conversation that is full of resentment, judgment and frankly, astonishingly bad spelling and grammar, appears on articles relating to parenting. Social media seems to be the playground of the “sanctimommies”. 

They say that it takes a village to raise children. If this is the village that modern parents have to look to, I’d rather not be part of it. 

Mother’s Day, Mountains and Musings

I hadn’t realized until we drove up into the mountains this past Saturday morning, that it had been at least three years since we had visited with Curtis’ parents at their house in the foothills. Last time I was there I was about three months pregnant with Calvin. I don’t know what kept me away for so long. Life I guess. We spent this past weekend with Curtis’ parents, our two little ones, his brother and sister in law, and their two little ones. It was thoroughly enjoyable! We helped work on projects during the kids nap time, filling trenches with dirt and pulling up fence posts, we explored the long grass and large rocks with the kids and gathered at the table for delicious food and conversation. It was a wonderful celebration of Mother’s Day, and my father in laws birthday!

Overcast but beautiful!

A dusty sunset after a wonderful day.

I loved how this cake turned out!

Chocolate fudge Sarlacc cake!

 

The kids loved the adventure of being up there. They wore themselves out running through the grass, trudging up and down the hills and exploring the future chicken coop. It was a great opportunity for cousin time also. They all played very well together with the occasional and inevitable toddler tantrums. It makes me so happy to see them growing with cousins whom they love. 

The weekend came to an end with an early dinner, just myself, Curtis and the kids. It was lovely to spend a little family time before Curtis head off to the Engineer academy! I’m so very proud of him! He’s got quite a few weeks ahead of him that are going to be tough at times, not just with the class work, but also with being gone, but it is so worth it. How often do you meet someone who is wholly dedicated to the work they do and really love it? It’s a blessing! I’ll miss him like crazy, 

Insert Head Explosion

This post from Stuart over at Forged From Reverie, has got me thinking this morning. Lately I have noticed that I’m having to make a conscious effort to not have a knee jerk reaction to the behavior of Calvin and Mia. 

Calvin especially is in the threenager stage, and thus, is testing his boundaries lately. Daily he is pushing my buttons, and at times I have snapped. For example, yesterday he got ahold of my clear nail varnish and whilst I was brushing my teeth he painted the leg of our dining room table with it. My initial response was anger and I immediately put him in time out (which I stand by as necessary) whilst shouting at him about the dangers and damage he had caused using it. The shouting on reflection, was unnecessary. He knew he had done wrong, he apologized profusely and when asked about it was able to access that it was a bad idea. He accessed the situation, which is something I didn’t do. Yes he shouldn’t have had the nail varnish, but I had left it within reach. He shouldn’t have painted the table with it, but he’s a curious kid. Yes it was a bugger to get off, but it didn’t permanently damage anything. But one thing without another side to it, was that it was dangerous. He ended up with it on his clothes and in his hair and all I could think about was the “what if” of the possibility of him getting it into his eyes. 

I need to start breathing and taking a few extra seconds before I react. If the situation isn’t immediately threatening to the health of my kids or anyone else, maybe a step back would be more productive than me losing my shit!