On this day

On this day last year, my sister, her boyfriend, my mom and my dad, came to visit us for three weeks. At the time we didn’t know just how sick my dad was. We thought the sickness he was experiencing was a reoccurring chest infection that the doctors had been telling him he had for over a year, treating it with antibiotics and a nebulizer. They almost didn’t make the trip at this time, they were going to come in March… But that would have been too late.

They spent three weeks with us, we did a lot of mundane things, we hung around the house, but we also did some exploring, seeing Yosemite, Old Town Clovis and Sac, Avila Beach and San Francisco before they went home. 

I’m so grateful that they made the trip, that dad had the opportunity to see the kids and that we had time together as a family before everything shattered just 18 days after his diagnosis. I try so hard not to go to that dark place when I think of him. I try not to dwell on those last days, but to savor the laughs, the joy and the sweetest memories.

I’m glad that Calvin remembers him, that he says often that he misses his papa, and shows Mia photos of him. He’s three and death is a big concept for such a little person. 

Family is the most important thing to me. My little unit of four, my parents, my siblings… These are the people who make me, me. 

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Rough Day

Today has been a rough day. The past three weeks have been bittersweet. My parents, my younger sister and her boyfriend came over from England to visit us for the first time. I’ve been living in America for almost six years and during that time I’ve seen my family for several weeks a few years ago when we visited England and Calvin was only four months old. It’s hard to travel back and forth, it’s expensive and with children, made even harder.

It’s been a blessing and an absolute joy to have them here, especially when my dad said he’d never travel again with his health issues and age. Just writing this post is difficult, because I choke up thinking about them and how quickly these past few weeks went by.

They left this morning at 4am for the long drive to LAX and the first leg of their flights back home. Mia was awake, but of course won’t remember them leaving, but Calvin was asleep until 6:30 and when he woke up… Well my heart broke watching him go from room to room searching for them, and when returning from the park this morning, asking when they’d all be home with us.

On the lighter side of today, I’ve been able to sit and look through all of the photos taken whilst they were here. Photos of us at the beach, in the Bay, visiting Yosemite and even the ones of us just doing mundane things like shopping and having coffee… All precious memories.

They are in the air right now and won’t get home for quite some time. Meanwhile I’m trying to carry on as normal, but I have cried making tea, loading laundry and even just snuggling the kids today and smelling my moms perfume on their skin.

My dad says that it took ten years for him to not feel so homesick and miss everyone as much when he moved from Canada to England. I’m sure it will be less painful over time, but I don’t think it will ever be easy. Right now I’m thankful that they made it here, I’m thankful for a husband who loves me and my family, and I’m thankful for technology, so that I can Skype with them.

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