Art

I truly can’t remember the last time I sat down with a paintbrush in my hand, and just created something. 

I’m not a great artist, I never have been. In school I took GCSE and A-level art and I could do the tasks asked of me with some skill. But I never just sat down and created something in my own style, with my own unique and creative force.

My focus shifted to writing when I went to University. I’d say I’m pretty adept at being able to convey my thoughts and my arguments using the English language. These are skills however, that I don’t use often.

My creative muscle is not often worked, and even rarer, flexed. I am not driven to sit and write creatively, or to take a tool into my hands and create visual art. When I do create something, it’s all in my brain. I’m unable to transfer the images I muster up, from my brain, down to my fingertips. 

It’s frustrating to not have a hobby even. I’ve tried knitting, crochet, macrame and I get bored. I get bored of the mundane, tedious nature of these activities.

So what is it I’m looking for? I’m not sure. 

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Awkward…

So how awkward was the video in my last blog post? I can’t even bare to watch it again, it’s so very cringeworthy! I don’t think I will be doing another of those any time soon.

I need to get back to blogging regularly. Everything has been kind of up in the air lately schedule wise, but we are finally settling into a new routine with Calvin starting preschool and an upcoming work schedule change for Curtis. I’m still really lost as to what to do with Mia on the mornings that Calvin is at school, but we are navigating through it together with lots of park time, running errands and snuggles!

I recently bought myself a book of 300 writing prompts, which I almost immediately regretted for the simple fact that by the end of day one, I had removed several pages due to the fact that I hate my hand writing. I cannot look at a page of my own handwriting for long before feeling the need to tear out the page, ball it up and throw it away. Is anyone else like that?

I’m not sure how other bloggers go about planning out their blogs ahead of time, it seems really difficult to me. I have more of a tendency to write from the top of my head whenever I fancy it, otherwise I feel like whatever I write is fake, or forced. I have far too much junk rolling around in my head lately, things that are too dark, too strange to share here. I’m not sure why I am in this particular predicament right now, but I’m hoping it’s just one of those stages in my life that will pass with time and effort to put forward a sunny disposition, or perhaps that in itself is faking it…

Anyway, I will be writing more often, and hopefully words of a positive nature. Now, go forth and be bold, be brave, be beautiful!

Blogging Birthday

Skate Fast, Turn Left is three years old today! I’ve really loved writing this blog, it’s given me an emotional and creative outlet. It’s given me the opportunity to connect with other writers and to follow and read some wonderfully written blogs. 

I’ve had dry spells in my writing and days where I’m brimming with ideas and the need for my fingertips to touch the keyboard. It’s been a balance. Right now I’m in a limbo of wanting to write but not wanting to write drivel. 

And so, I leave you with this question today; do you plan your blog posts ahead of time or fly by the seat of your pants? 

Whatever the answer, I look forward to reading your next post!

Draft

There’s a draft that has been sitting in my folder since the early days following my fathers dead. I’m not sure if I will ever publish it, even though I’ve reread it so many times. Maybe I should just delete it… after all, the words are burnt into my memory, I can still feel them being typed out under my fingertips, I can sense their release and then their entrapment.

Journaling

I’ve got a bit of an obsession with notebooks. I love hard cover, ring bound notebooks with college ruled lines and clean, uniform design. Simple is good, but a modern, minimalistic design always grabs my attention. 

I always set out with specific goals in mind when I buy a new notebook. I assign them to list making, idea jotting and general purpose. I just bought a new notebook and I think it’s my favorite one. So far I’ve marked two pages with my scrawls and I always feel the same way about that… Like I want to keep the pages pristine. But a notebook is for notes after all, they have a purpose.

I’ve been thinking about using a notebook for journaling, although most of the time I write here. I’m trying to realign myself with some spiritual need and although I could share those musings here, perhaps it would be best to keep them private.

The reason I love notebooks most of all, is that from arm to hand, to pen to paper, there is a flow. I love to see my thoughts move from my mind to the paper, tangible, palpable words. 

Feeling A Little Lost

I have been finding it so hard lately to write. I don’t know if it’s because my mind feels a little chaotic right now, or if it’s because I really don’t have much to say. Anyone who reads this is family or friends and knows what is going on in my life from Facebook or from seeing me, so sometimes rehashing what is already known, seems a little… silly?

Perhaps I need to write less about life, and more about my understanding of social/economical situations… no, that’s not me. Perhaps I should write about motherhood, but if I was doing that, I’d have more posts over at The Bump, and I’m struggling with that right now, draft after draft, hovering over the publish button while I second guess myself.

I’m just feeling a little lost.